Category Archives: Family

Acting Kindness

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I wrote months ago about Thinking Kindness, the ability of my conscience to feel for those in need. Months passed and I can’t seem to fathom why there is a hole in my heart and I cannot stop thinking about it. I feel compassion, but all I ever do is feel. I did not reach the point of actualization. I cannot forever ignore bleeding for the kids in need.

I have a mentally ill cousin, her story was of a neglected child and tormented past. She was conceived out of wedlock, born with all the unwanted feeling in the world. Her mom chose to leave her to Nanay, her sister, so she could look for her place in the sun and earn. I can remember my cousin growing up quiet and timid, she never had an inch of confidence in her. The people around her kept on reminding her everyday how unwanted she is by her mother and the world and that they raised her only because they did not have a choice. It was never an easy childhood.

She had a breakdown years ago, she got depressed. I think she was not able to handle the changes when her mother took her from Nanay, she was a teenager then, and brought her to the City. She had uncontrollable outbursts, all her inhibitions disappeared and she hallucinated of darkness and evil. She was brought to the doctor, diagnosed of depression and was prescribed meds. Since then her life changed. She lived a life inside her mind. The life she would want and would create stories of people and of feelings that were unrequited in real life. Things worsen when she got pregnant. No one knew who the father is.

Today, it’s like a full circle for my aunt. Her daughter is mentally ill with a baby born malnourished. They are literally asking every door for help, including neighbors. I have told my aunt more than once that I can only do so much. The way their life is headed is the path of which she has chosen to go. My father said he cannot go farther than what he had given his sister. I think he is just tired because she asks my father for help all the time but she never listen to him. I feel for my father but I feel for the baby now. I can’t sleep thinking what will happen to the child. What can I do? If I am to be honest to myself, I do not like giving money to my aunt- I once did and they went shopping. The next day she came asking for food. It’s the delimma helping relatives. Familiarity really does breed contempt. I wish I didn’t know their history but compassion knows no bound and doesn’t expect. The child is a different story. An innocent child kept me awake tonight. I just can’t think kindness all the time, I have to act kindness too. I know they should be responsible for their own lives, my aunt is one stubborn woman and her stubborness has already shattered the life of her daughter. I pray I will have the strength needed to start what I have in mind.

The Age to Embrace

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This is not the first time I grope for words, typing and deleting words and ideas as they come and go too quickly. It is not the lack of imagination that keeps a writer oblivious as if floating in an everlasting swirl and twirl of concepts and ideas, the fullness can also lock the ability of a mind to go and move around freely-my state is either or neither of both. Watching RED and seeing the veteran Hollywood actors kick some a*s is such a perfect timing as I watch my numbers embrace a new kind of high. Tomorrow is the 3rd decade of my existence. I know I am still far from being veteran, but I do not want to wait that much to kick some a*s. It has been a great ride- bumpy, dizzying and exhilarating-every time I glimpse a few seconds to see where I have been and how I made it through-I feel more than just proud. I feel happy. Happy could be most of the time overrated but it is what it always is, Joy and Simple Pleasure. I cannot believe what those ahead of me always say is true. You may seek for it from thousands and millions of reasons, however, it constantly and unfailingly boils down to one simple universal truth. Happiness is what we make it-and what we already have. As I walk slowly towards a new era, I hope to reach another decade or so. Life has never faltered to amaze me with its mysteries and beauty despite the ugly truth and sad reality that around the world there are still people who would rather kiss evil than give love.
Love. People spend a lifetime looking for definitions but so far one of my favorite writer defined it the best. Love simply is. One is loved because one is loved. Manifestations may vary but still it is love. Some say they kill because they love isn’t true-obsession does but not love. When one opt to hurt or cause hurt, one is not loving.
Needless to say, for me to write about love on the day before my birthday is futile If my sole purpose is to lecture how one should love. I sit here in a room that I share with my husband and daughter and feel almost perfectly perfect. Yes, I talk of love because right now, I am surrounded by it. I am one step closer and will always be one step closer to that almost perfect moment, I thank the people who shared with me those almost perfect memories. I shall continue it enjoy it to the last core.
As my favorite Rihanna song goes “Cheers to the freakin’ weekend, I drink to that!”

Happy Birthday to me!

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Family is the Right Kind of Love

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The long weekend I spent with my daughter and my husband at my father’s place brought joy. After almost a year of being non-existent to one another, my sister and me found each other’s presence bearable again. The pain is almost gone now and I can easily deal with my frustrations towards what caused our great feud months ago. It is rather true that we can forgive but could never easily forget. I miss her, I knew it all along but my pride ate the whole missing part. When I saw her, I found it right through again- and I am contented. I never expected everything to be the same, expectation was what brought us all in pain- it was neither good nor bad as that experience taught us the great lesson of Family love.

Family love unlike other forms of love is not just immeasurable and timeless-it is constant. It is a prison wall, but of course that if you are a pessimist one. You can choose who you will end up with but like love you cannot choose your family, holds true when you are all bound by likeness in blood and DNA. Every time I go home to my father’s I feel excited and scared at once, excited to see my little brothers, my nieces and nephews and scared to see my father! That did not come out right! I am always happy to see my father but whenever he talks of family matters and all things that circles around problems and money or both, we all end up arguing. Which is sometimes my sister do not like talking about it so much especially when we are at the dining table.

Family love is when I see my brother after long months of being away from each other with his very noisy and rowdy kids-and all I see is my only buddy in high school who is always witty and jolly. I have never met anyone who cooks good food better than my brother and I think that is the sole reason I find it hard to appreciate restaurant food everywhere-I have tasted better versions of those expect for exotic types or other foreign tastes I guess. The three of us, laughing again together, joking around each other-is a wonderful sight and a perfect memory to hold on to till we see each other again. I can say my father did a great job of holding us all accountable of our own lives because wherever we go and whatever we become we always go back to what we were before everything else changed.

Family love is having a father who has a clamorous laugh and sometimes obnoxious principles. Who works very hard and plays even harder! Who rocks and roll, plays guitars, drums and sings. Who knows almost everything about cars, and farming and playing life rough. A father who attracts women with his wit and great sense of humor-that always gets him to trouble with our stepmom. Our father cannot live without someone to help him, I think it is how men operates-they barely can survive without a woman. When he decided to remarry years after my mother died, I got a confirmation that he was having a difficulty raising teenagers. My father did not have any idea how intelligent he is, he is also battling up to this day what normal people fight against with-insecurities, worries, pride, fear, greed amongst the few. He had a rougher childhood than us, and yet he helped the three of us get a College degree and do what we want to do.

Family love is having a stepmother who chooses to be with our father despite the fact that he has 3 grown up kids. It was not an easy feat for her and our 2 half brothers. They too are battling with society’s tendency to compare siblings. My little brothers do not resemble us in any way. We got our looks from our mom, all 3 of us, while they got their looks from our father. And just because my sister and brother are academically intelligent our neighbors expected that they also belong to the honor students. They are way beyond intelligent, they are talented and they belong to the same blood.

Family love is having a cousin who do not know what she wants but knows how to love deeply. A cousin who is more than just a sister I say, who will always be there no matter what.

Parents cannot choose their children, they have one or two or even more, raise them, love them and make them useful part of the society. Children cannot choose their parents, they only have two, grow up under their care, love them and make them proud.

Family is a gift, sometimes we hate them but most of the time we love them. We love them too much!
But it is always the right kind of love.

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